You do think I screamed up there?
The burden to get the message across to you maybe?
Disagreement is natural and inevitable. People like to argue. But no matter how hard we try to resolve disputes through rational discourse, sometimes we may still disagree about important issues. One response to this predicament is simply to agree to disagree. But should the mere fact that disagreement lower our confidence in our views? Should we change how we judge our own beliefs when we realize that other people disagree? Or do we only have reason to doubt our beliefs when we learn that experts disagree with us?
George S. Patton, a war veteran, and Senior Officer of the United States Army once said; "If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking."
In life, stirring the proverbial pot can be a good thing. And while negotiating these matters can be challenging, especially when they involve our colleagues or bosses, differences in opinion will often lead to progress.
The most important thing to remember is that there is a big difference between healthy, productive disagreements and heated arguments. A superior argument isn’t always by the one with the loudest voice/tone. In order for two parties to come to a mutually beneficial agreement, there has to be a level of professionalism and respect.
While navigating this territory can feel like a slippery slope, here are a few tips to help you speak your mind, without losing your mind, neither letting the situation spiral out of control.
1) Be Mindful Of Your Tone.
Research has found that the sound of a person's voice has a lot to do with how he or she is perceived. In fact, the sound of a speaker's voice matters twice as much as their message,
So if you're raising your voice during a disagreement, will it negatively impact the delivery of your message? Or will it help you command attention?
MIT research fellow, Michael Schrage, suggests that your tone is often dependent on the situation, as well as the person you're disagreeing with.
"If you’re yelling because humiliating and demeaning people is a part of who you are, you’ve got bigger professional issues than your decibel level”. "But if raising your voice because you care is part of who you are as a person and communicator, that’s a different ball game entirely, and people might have to develop the courtesy and professionalism to put up with you."
Therefore, be in control of your own voice. If you feel yourself becoming agitated, take a moment to pause and think about the situation before choosing to raise your voice.
2) Don't Use "You" Statements.
Falling back on "you" statements when you're disagreeing with someone can easily be perceived as combative. Just look at the statements below to see what I mean.
"You always ask me to complete a last-minute assignment when you know that I already have my hands full" sounds more argumentative than, "I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by the amount of work on my desk. Is there anyone else who could come in?"
Notice the difference?
"Most people don’t like being judged or told what to do, and when we use 'you' language plus directives, it’s easy to arouse in others feelings of resentment and defensiveness,"
While there are situations where someone should be held accountable for their actions, leaving "you" statements out of small disagreements can help to ensure things don't escalate into an argument.
3) Avoid Filler Words Or Hesitant Phrases.
Filler words like "um," "ah," and "uh" can instantly take away from the credibility of your claim, make you sound unsure, unprepared and could also serve as a distraction for those listening.
It is important to be aware of these placeholders and limit their use during disagreements. One way to work these fillers out of your speech?
Compel yourself to always retake your sentence whenever you find yourself using the filler words (this exercise can be so annoying, you won’t always want to repeat the same sentence over and over again, hence you alertness is increased when speaking).
4) Carryout Your Findings.
It is expedient to always do your background research, to make a strong case against your opposition. Arguing blindly can be the most foolish and embarrassing to do once you find out what’s true.
When the argument concerns statistical entities, facts and figures especially, don't just throw around numbers. Buttress your argument with available data.
This type of strategic preparation will make it difficult for others to poke holes in your assessment. It will also help to communicate that you're passionate about your resistance and that you're not just disagreeing to disagree, and your information/standpoint can be trusted on the subject matter.
5) Don't Get Personal.
When a disagreement gets heated, it's easy for people to call upon "low blows." These personal attacks are often used as an intimidation tactic or defense mechanism, but that doesn't make them appropriate in business situations or any situation for that matter.
When disagreeing with someone, your claims should be based on the outcome over that you are debating, not on what the other person has done (or not done) in the past.
“Try to make sure the conversation stays focused on facts, not personalities,” And if the other person gets personal, refocus the discussion back to the subject matter, and if they are adamant and continue as before, its advisable to pull out of such argument.
"It's a lot easier to embrace criticism of your work when you don't let your work define who you are.”Even if someone says something out of line, avoid the itch to retaliate by keeping this notion in mind.
6) Be Mindful Of Your Body Language.
When communicating disagreement, it's important to be aware of our non-verbal body language. You might be saying one thing, but if your gestures or facial expressions suggest another, it's easy to rub someone the wrong way.
"Avoid putting up a barrier like a hand, your bag, or whatever else you have between yourself and the person with whom you are speaking.
If you want to disagree politely, try raising your eyebrows slightly to convey receptivity, or smile and nod along while others are speaking. This way, when it's your turn to talk, those around you will feel that you've actually listened to their take on things.
7) Know Your Non-Negotiables.
Every intellectual argument must have its “non-negotiables”. When you disagree with someone or something, there's no guarantee that it's going to be well received. In fact, often times, it probably won't be. But then what?
In an effort to disagree respectfully, you'll need to learn how to compromise. Aside from the obvious differences, business relationships are a lot like any other relationship we share with someone even a significant other.
"Lots of happy couples have differences in relationships -- the trick is to learn which ones are more important to you than the relationship,"
That said, go into every disagreement knowing your non-negotiables -- things that you absolutely aren't willing to compromise on. While this approach may vary depending on the exact situation, it will often make it easier for you to prioritize what matters and what you're willing to reconsider. At the end of the day, it's all about 'give and take', Win-Win, no winner takes all.
8) Assume Best Intent.
When you assume negative intent, you're angry. If you take away that anger and assume positive intent, you will be amazed ... You are trying to understand and listen because at your basic core you are saying, 'Maybe they are saying something to me that I'm not hearing.'
If you know you're headed into a conversation, a meeting, or an email exchange where you might disagree with someone, pause before reacting immediately. Instead, take a moment to assume the best of the people around you. For however strongly you feel about your position, the other person you're engaging with does as well, and working together from a place of mutual respect and kindness will ensure better results -- and relationships.
9) Know When To Take A Break And/Or QUIT.
One too many persons meet their pitfall at this juncture. They go on and on without caution, adding gasoline to already dry wood.
In many cases, a disagreement or challenge won't be solved in a matter of minutes. It could take several discussions, sessions, meetings, sit-outs, email follow-ups, or looping in other people to get to the bottom of a contentious problem or a bigger challenge.
In these cases, it's important to know when to step away from the disagreement, regroup, and press pause. Learn to recognize when you're reaching a point to stop your disagreement, especially if the matter at hand doesn't need to be resolved all in one day. Recognize breaking points in your own behaviour, such as negative body language and emotional impulse reactions, and suggest taking a break. This will help the conversation stay more positive, healthy and more productive in the long run.
Conclusively;
The beauty of argument lies herein; "If you argue correctly, you're never wrong."
The beauty of argument lies herein; "If you argue correctly, you're never wrong."
Anger is never without an argument, but seldom with a good one. Be calm in arguing for fierceness makes error a fault and truth discourtesy.
Don’t you ever forget this;
SILENCE IS ARGUMENT CARRIED OUT BY OTHER MEANS
(Feel free to share your thoughts on this and more, the comment section is open)
It's The Wordsmith.
Ref: Philosophy Talk