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...I could not laugh enough on the day. In a funny twist of events, don't forget we already have 3-bodies lying on the altar. I adjusted my sit properly, and told myself "Not one scene of this will I miss out on".
Every man for his kind, the priest had ignored both bride and groom and reached out to revive his ailing colleague, fanning air to his face with the programme outline in his hands.
Both parents also took to the alter, seeing the selfish gesture of the priest, each taking to the direction of their wards (Grooms parent to groom, and Bride's to the bride) everyone battling to resuscitate their own.
With the priest and his reverend friend now standing, both the bride and groom now finally restored, and Jaiye still in front of them, it was now time to release the caller from hold to hear what he has got to say.
(Phone Unheld, a voice began to speak on the call) :
"See, you Yemi, I know you can hear me, I don't know what you think you're trying to do. But if you think, you can go ahead to give another man my child just because you want to get married, you're a joker!
Tell your pastor, priest or whoever is joining you to that man that, he'll be conducting another session for us by 12noon when am around, am on my way to Lagos, we'll see." (Cuts the phone).
(Errrrhhhm, am not a devil, but u know, can we have more of such weddings? *Whew* I reiterate, this is the most interesting wedding ceremony I have ever attended.)
With this magnitude of confusion and cloud of uncertainties everywhere, Yemi was set for another slump, but this time she was quickly caught by Sola her groom. "No o, you cannot collapse now, not until you have explained what that was all about, better start talking already." (he said as he prevented her from hitting the ground.)
(I bet, you don't want to know how many people were by that time now left in the auditorium. Well, surprisingly, more people had developed a hunger for this drama and will rather see its end than leave prematurely.)
Just as the drama was playing out on stage(the altar), Jaiye took his leave as he headed for the exit door, leaving the priest and audience astonished at his role in all of this, as the all turned to watch him leave the auditorium.
All hell broke loose just as Jaiye placed his hands on the door handle. The said man(the one restricted by security personnels in the first episode) broke in throwing him off the door, while the security officials trooped in chasing after this "George" (an exquisite wrapper tied by natives from a particular tribe in Nigeria) tying man from behind. In a sequence that featured; Jaiye now trampled on the ground, The Man pacing to the pulpit, Security officials coming after him, and then the man's kinsmen brandishing their weaponry(in that order).
"Which wedding?, "God go punish all of una", You (pointing to the groom) "Thunder go fire you for dia today". (The man who broke in, spoke with utter aggression, obvious irritation and vivid hatred as he headed for the altar).
By this time, those who lacked the grace to withstand such height of hullabaloo had started escaping out of the auditorium in twos and threes. Replacing them was a mass who followed in from the street, hungry to feed their eyes.
Security! Security! The priest yelled, calling for help as this livid and enraged man drew ever nearer to the altar.
Soon the podium was empty, officiating ministers had taken cover behind the curtains, and the priest himself missing already to God knows where. (Who wouldn't? Seeing a Niger Delta man and his clan wielding a machetes). Apologies to the Niger Deltans, just telling you what went down on the day.
Had he been there alone, maybe he would have been over powered and then maybe the wedding would have continued, but this man had arranged a high-powered delegation to come down there with him, each one with their sticks and machetes.
"Scatter dem, which wedding, for wia, dem dey mad"
Naso dem dey give person belle com marry another person for lagos? Make I meet you for dia, God go punish today" (The man spoke in conc pidgin english). As he went straight for the kill this time, aiming directly at Sola, who without much consideration used the nearest window exit, taking to his heels as he made his way out of the place.
From the start of this, I had promised myself that a scene of this I will not miss. Not relenting on my promise, I followed out through the nearest exit to see Shola empty himself into his waiting jeep, beautifully branded "JUST WEDDED" and I watched as he sped off in a Michael Schumacher of the formular one fame like fashion.
What a day, what a "Wierdy Ceremony".
Morale : Man/Woman, CLEAR YOUR LOGS, clear them well before you walk down that aisle!
Weddings are envisaged to get more interesting in the coming dispensation,
Save us the impending Trago-comedy.
To be continued maybe?
Its The Wordsmith™
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